Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Wandering Heart
Dave,
Since you did not respond to my eastern approach to wrestlings with Paul, I'm taking the discussion in a new direction.... and that is that I am a 'vagadult.'
In my wandering heart there is a vagabond who will not sit still in church and will never be an office-man. Yet in my life emerges a needed adult who must be responsible, work for a living, plan wisely, budget, stay in one place and commit to one person.
Basically, I'm asking you and anyone else to join the discussion about my wandering heart.
This topic is mysterious to me, but here are some preliminary questions:
-Why do I long to wander, adventure, explore, vagabond?
-Do a lot of people feel this way?
-Historically, have a lot of people felt this way, before they could just hop a plane to China?
-Are things like: holding a consistent job, staying in one place, not taking too many risks on your life, ... all essential ingredients in a good Christian man?
-Will this longing change or go away? (I've followed it for years. If I don't keep feeding it will it die or will I die?)
-How can I not crush my spirit when I have responsibilities that fight against vagabonding? Is there a new stage of vagabonding I can enter within the context of leading a family and having a career?
-Is being somewhat transient an acceptable mode (even if just for a while) for a full-time servant of Christ?
-Should I try to marry someone who likes to wander and wander together, or someone who is stable and will help me grow roots?
-Is it fair to take kids along for the ride with a wandering heart?
-Where does my wandering heart come from?
-Where is my wandering heart going?
That about sums up the general inquiries. Now for your comments:
Notes- by "wandering heart" I mean... well, if I have to explain it to you in detail, you probably don't have one. I can't really describe it.
Since you did not respond to my eastern approach to wrestlings with Paul, I'm taking the discussion in a new direction.... and that is that I am a 'vagadult.'
In my wandering heart there is a vagabond who will not sit still in church and will never be an office-man. Yet in my life emerges a needed adult who must be responsible, work for a living, plan wisely, budget, stay in one place and commit to one person.
Basically, I'm asking you and anyone else to join the discussion about my wandering heart.
This topic is mysterious to me, but here are some preliminary questions:
-Why do I long to wander, adventure, explore, vagabond?
-Do a lot of people feel this way?
-Historically, have a lot of people felt this way, before they could just hop a plane to China?
-Are things like: holding a consistent job, staying in one place, not taking too many risks on your life, ... all essential ingredients in a good Christian man?
-Will this longing change or go away? (I've followed it for years. If I don't keep feeding it will it die or will I die?)
-How can I not crush my spirit when I have responsibilities that fight against vagabonding? Is there a new stage of vagabonding I can enter within the context of leading a family and having a career?
-Is being somewhat transient an acceptable mode (even if just for a while) for a full-time servant of Christ?
-Should I try to marry someone who likes to wander and wander together, or someone who is stable and will help me grow roots?
-Is it fair to take kids along for the ride with a wandering heart?
-Where does my wandering heart come from?
-Where is my wandering heart going?
That about sums up the general inquiries. Now for your comments:
Notes- by "wandering heart" I mean... well, if I have to explain it to you in detail, you probably don't have one. I can't really describe it.
Comments:
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I am a vagadult as well. For me I survive in "odinary life" by having a great list of places I plan to go someday AND I GO THERE... not annually but on a regular enough basis to remind myself who I am.
Dreams that see no movement toward their reality make a sad man.
My dad always wanted to sail around the world on a "tramp steamer" (what they called them then). He collected pictures of ships and posted them all over the place--tucked them in books and never got to do it.
When I went through his things I found his dreams he never realized. I collected all these pictures and put them on a posterboard and looked at them often and determined to DO my dreams.
I have not done them all and have my quota on the cutting room floor of life..BUT I also have (on posterboard and on my wall and pasted on wall maps) quite a tidy collection of dreams that became reality too.
When I get too old to dream I plan to do better than that: remember!
Dreams that see no movement toward their reality make a sad man.
My dad always wanted to sail around the world on a "tramp steamer" (what they called them then). He collected pictures of ships and posted them all over the place--tucked them in books and never got to do it.
When I went through his things I found his dreams he never realized. I collected all these pictures and put them on a posterboard and looked at them often and determined to DO my dreams.
I have not done them all and have my quota on the cutting room floor of life..BUT I also have (on posterboard and on my wall and pasted on wall maps) quite a tidy collection of dreams that became reality too.
When I get too old to dream I plan to do better than that: remember!
Jarod, I know exactly what you mean. My first six months in my current job I was constantly thinking about the next "adventure". Whether it be climbing a mountain, or hiking a trail, or skiing a bigger badder slope, etc. While that is still there, I've tried to work on packing adventure into my on-going life . . . rather than having to go somewhere to satisfy that person inside me, the vagadult. I walk around downtown Rapid City now instead of getting in my car. I play basketball with a group of guys that gets the blood pumping. I share the hills with people whenever I can. I keep my eyes open for new adventures.
When will the wandering heart be satisfied? Maybe never, maybe the wandering heart is leading us into more adventures.
When will the wandering heart be satisfied? Maybe never, maybe the wandering heart is leading us into more adventures.
I'm with you. It seems there are lots of us out there. And for the record, it can be possible to marry a fellow wanderer and do it together (and when it's a solo trip...well, at least the other person understands). :)
I don't think it's selfish. I would think as a Christian you might believe that God instilled this heart in you. He seems (to me anyways!!) more concerned with our daily interactions with people...whether we're in Nepal or LA or Ohio or Marion (notice the progression there). Sometimes I look back on my life of passionate faith and I feel embarrassed by how picky I was about being holy. And wondering if every desire I had might be selfish. I like what McManus said...holiness is about aligning yourself TO something instead of not doing a laundry list of petty don'ts. I like that I thought more about things...I like the idea of testing everything and self-examination. But I regret trying to be a 40 year old at 22. Anyway...I really wanted to say the first paragraph. Take the second with a grain of salt.
I don't think it's selfish. I would think as a Christian you might believe that God instilled this heart in you. He seems (to me anyways!!) more concerned with our daily interactions with people...whether we're in Nepal or LA or Ohio or Marion (notice the progression there). Sometimes I look back on my life of passionate faith and I feel embarrassed by how picky I was about being holy. And wondering if every desire I had might be selfish. I like what McManus said...holiness is about aligning yourself TO something instead of not doing a laundry list of petty don'ts. I like that I thought more about things...I like the idea of testing everything and self-examination. But I regret trying to be a 40 year old at 22. Anyway...I really wanted to say the first paragraph. Take the second with a grain of salt.
I stumbled across your blog and felt compelled as a fellow wanderer to comment. I truly believe this insatiable desire for adventure, passion, extremes, and meaning is put there by God. I have spent the past 27 years of my life trying to feed it. I studied in Israel hoping to figure out just what and why I believe. What I found was more confusion. Then it was all about adventure when I moved to Wyoming after college. There I became angry with God for all the shit that was happening to me and to the people around me in my job as a social worker. When I moved to Alaska it became less about exploring and more about running away. I had ultimately given up and I lived as though I were dead which led to all sorts of troubles. So after hitting rock bottom I found myself back in my hometown Mansfield, Ohio though every bone in my body fought to leave. I was convinced that I was doomed to a life of monotony in the Midwest, that what God wanted for me must be the opposite of what I wanted. That it was purely my selfishness that craved excitement and new intrigue. Well, that all changed this November and my view of God’s character once again changed too. I got offered a job in a tiny Eskimo village in Alaska. I never dreamed I would be back here in the last frontier where my heart longed to be. God gave me the wild desires of my heart because this time I was going for the right reasons, for others and not myself. I think inner restlessness keeps us from becoming complacent. As a female, society expects me to settle down and be married with kids by now, but since when has following the masses been a great idea. A wandering heart is a gift and though it often feels more like a curse know you are definitely not alone. fireweed_21@yahoo.com
# posted by 
: 4:24 AM
: 4:24 AM
Is the wandering heart, or simply the desire to travel and experience other cultures, somehow related to our calling from God to "go" into all the world and proclaim His truth? Have we misconstrued the real desire and thought it is simply for the adventure and experience when there is something greater behind it, or is it just as we think it is?
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