Wednesday, February 09, 2005
The Role of 'Brother'
I sat down to write about my experiences here, and this is what came out…
Jarod,
I really needed to hear that. Our actions eventually define who we are,above everything else. This gives me motivation to do things for which I lack confidence, because I have the hope of eventually mastering what Iset out to do. By the way, I have recovered from my insanity as well.One role I have grown to love is that of the brother. I have threesisters, and each of them is a different type of woman. But for eachsister my role is fundamentally the same: to offer the love,encouragement, safety, and protection from a man in the same bloodline. The brother is an unasked for representative of the “other” gender and hasa position of inherited power due to the vulnerable nature of a family. Ihave seen brothers who could not handle this inherited power, and bynature brought anguish to their sisters’ lives. This is an earlyresponsibility. Of course I had no idea of this power when I was a child, but the adultbrother is a very different matter. He is not the father, thoughsometimes he also must take that role. No, in those moments when he iswith his family, he is an aspiring leader: a father in training. Yes, the joy of being young is the ability to make mistakes.
When I was a youngboy growing up with three sisters, I played alone quite a lot. My thoughts were quite far from cultivating my sisters. I loved them, theywere an oddity.
For my oldest sister, I was the goofy little brother who stayed in theawkward stage for a very long time. Now I am the young brother who rejoices with her in her new life as a married woman. For my middle sister, I was the nerdy recluse who she sometimes playedbasketball with. Now I am the brother that she encourages as we laugh andmake light of painful situations.For my little sister, I was the older brother who was somewhat distant. Now I am the older brother who feels very close to her and watches with joy as she grows into a mature young woman. Again, I didn’t understand the joy of this role until I was grown. Now Iam trying to do the things I need to do to be the kind of brother mysisters deserve. This role may develop outside of the blood family aswell, but it is rare to become close to a woman outside the familywithout…er…complications.
Sisters within the blood family are a gift from God. We did not ask for them but, to some degree, they will always be apart of our lives.
-Dave
Jarod,
I really needed to hear that. Our actions eventually define who we are,above everything else. This gives me motivation to do things for which I lack confidence, because I have the hope of eventually mastering what Iset out to do. By the way, I have recovered from my insanity as well.One role I have grown to love is that of the brother. I have threesisters, and each of them is a different type of woman. But for eachsister my role is fundamentally the same: to offer the love,encouragement, safety, and protection from a man in the same bloodline. The brother is an unasked for representative of the “other” gender and hasa position of inherited power due to the vulnerable nature of a family. Ihave seen brothers who could not handle this inherited power, and bynature brought anguish to their sisters’ lives. This is an earlyresponsibility. Of course I had no idea of this power when I was a child, but the adultbrother is a very different matter. He is not the father, thoughsometimes he also must take that role. No, in those moments when he iswith his family, he is an aspiring leader: a father in training. Yes, the joy of being young is the ability to make mistakes.
When I was a youngboy growing up with three sisters, I played alone quite a lot. My thoughts were quite far from cultivating my sisters. I loved them, theywere an oddity.
For my oldest sister, I was the goofy little brother who stayed in theawkward stage for a very long time. Now I am the young brother who rejoices with her in her new life as a married woman. For my middle sister, I was the nerdy recluse who she sometimes playedbasketball with. Now I am the brother that she encourages as we laugh andmake light of painful situations.For my little sister, I was the older brother who was somewhat distant. Now I am the older brother who feels very close to her and watches with joy as she grows into a mature young woman. Again, I didn’t understand the joy of this role until I was grown. Now Iam trying to do the things I need to do to be the kind of brother mysisters deserve. This role may develop outside of the blood family aswell, but it is rare to become close to a woman outside the familywithout…er…complications.
Sisters within the blood family are a gift from God. We did not ask for them but, to some degree, they will always be apart of our lives.
-Dave
Comments:
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Dave,
You are an amazing brother! And while we're still learning how to fill the role of being the sister you need as this role changes as we mature and grow older and can share in experiences more. I miss you tons, I don't know if you wrote this while you were overseas or not but amazing post! I love you!
Amanda
You are an amazing brother! And while we're still learning how to fill the role of being the sister you need as this role changes as we mature and grow older and can share in experiences more. I miss you tons, I don't know if you wrote this while you were overseas or not but amazing post! I love you!
Amanda
# posted by 
: 7:08 PM
: 7:08 PM
Great thoughts Dave. I admire you're determination to make the best of a sometimes distressing situation (post-college) and coming out with a wonderfully deeper connection to your family. Obviously everything looks better in retrospect, but one can see how this time at "home" was a much needed gift.
Jason
Jason
# posted by : 12:35 PM
: 12:35 PM
Sounds like we raised you well! But seriously, I couldn't ask for anything more in a brother. It's true what you said about some guys not fully understanding the role of brother--I'm proud to be related to a guy who does! I love you and I miss you!
Angela
Angela
# posted by : 9:19 PM
: 9:19 PM
That is a very interesting insight into a brother's role and makes me wonder how my two brothers view their relationship with me and my sister. Growing up being the oldest it was often difficult for me to determine what my role as the "big sister" was to everyone. I wanted to look out for everyone, but I also had a need to be in charge, thus my siblings percieved me as bossy. I was closer to my sister since we were only a year and a half apart and did mostly everything together. "Little brothers" were just an annoyance that often got into scrapes and needed help getting out of them. As I grew older, I took on the advisor role to my youngest brother. My middle brother and I still struggled to have a friendly relationship. Now, I have come to depend on my young brother for comfort and support and my middle brother for advice, while trying to do my best to offer them support and encouragement in the way that a big sister should. I think relationships with siblings are always growing and changing. After reading your insights on brotherdom I now feel the need to sit down with both of mine and ask them about their journeys to become the invaluable brothers they are. It sounds like your sisters love you very much and are blessed to have such a Godly brother. May God bless and keep you.
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