Thursday, September 09, 2004
Singleness
Jarod,
This e-mail may not have a lot of heart, but my mind is racing, plagued by these questions…
But first, I must say that I understand your dilemma and fear of committing to something that will cause you to put to death a part of yourself. Some laugh and assure me, “you are far too dramatic about the whole thing. Just make a decision and go with it.” But I look around and see examples where the wrong decision made for much life constriction, sometimes ending in very painful consequences. This is always a possibility. That is why I am trying harder and harder to trust in God’s timing. I am trying to believe that when the right time comes…I’ll take the opportunity. For now, it’s no crime to be single. Although sometimes I feel the pressure of those who have good intentions to “stop being so picky and make a decision.”
Earlier this summer I was in a small town church to visit with old friends and play music. I remember looking around and seeing all the couples. Young dating couples. Young married couples. Older married couples. Cute, elderly couples. And then there were the children and youth group. I began to understand why single Christians have a hard time going to church. It is easy for them to feel like they failed to take the next maturity step after leaving youth group. But as I drove back home to the heart of Columbus, Ohio, I felt more normal. Singleness seemed more commonly practiced and readily accepted in the city. Marriage (at an earlier age, maybe 22) seemed like a phenomenon in suburban and rural areas. There have been times in my life when a solid group of friends was just as emotionally and spiritually satisfying than any dating relationship I have had.
Rich Mullins once spoke about Sex and Self-Confidence. He talked about how we so often try to find our self worth in relation to our sexual life, and the elusive nature of this pursuit. From his perspective as a single man, he did not have the opportunity to even attempt to find his self worth through sex. I do not doubt that it was this loss that gave him even more opportunity to draw close to the heart of God. I wonder about celibacy, and how little Protestants seem to value it. We are quick to answer the Catholic priests, “Don’t incorporate works into our faith. We live by faith alone and are free to enjoy the pleasures God offers us.” I wonder how many Protestants would praise one of their own if he/she decided to remain celibate for spiritual purposes. I honestly don’t know. I don’t even know if they should.
Do I sometimes long to be in a relationship? Most definitely. I suppose that as I wait for God’s timing I must carefully prepare myself to be ready when/if the time comes. However, I want to be willing to accept and even embrace my singleness for the time being. If it is true that God meant for some of us to remain single, and if it so happens that God pushes me in that direction, I want to be ready to accept it without bitterness of heart, but with gladness and freedom of spirit.
Hmmm...somehow I didn't even touch the topic that I set out to write about. I'll save it for next time...
Truly,
Dave
This e-mail may not have a lot of heart, but my mind is racing, plagued by these questions…
But first, I must say that I understand your dilemma and fear of committing to something that will cause you to put to death a part of yourself. Some laugh and assure me, “you are far too dramatic about the whole thing. Just make a decision and go with it.” But I look around and see examples where the wrong decision made for much life constriction, sometimes ending in very painful consequences. This is always a possibility. That is why I am trying harder and harder to trust in God’s timing. I am trying to believe that when the right time comes…I’ll take the opportunity. For now, it’s no crime to be single. Although sometimes I feel the pressure of those who have good intentions to “stop being so picky and make a decision.”
Earlier this summer I was in a small town church to visit with old friends and play music. I remember looking around and seeing all the couples. Young dating couples. Young married couples. Older married couples. Cute, elderly couples. And then there were the children and youth group. I began to understand why single Christians have a hard time going to church. It is easy for them to feel like they failed to take the next maturity step after leaving youth group. But as I drove back home to the heart of Columbus, Ohio, I felt more normal. Singleness seemed more commonly practiced and readily accepted in the city. Marriage (at an earlier age, maybe 22) seemed like a phenomenon in suburban and rural areas. There have been times in my life when a solid group of friends was just as emotionally and spiritually satisfying than any dating relationship I have had.
Rich Mullins once spoke about Sex and Self-Confidence. He talked about how we so often try to find our self worth in relation to our sexual life, and the elusive nature of this pursuit. From his perspective as a single man, he did not have the opportunity to even attempt to find his self worth through sex. I do not doubt that it was this loss that gave him even more opportunity to draw close to the heart of God. I wonder about celibacy, and how little Protestants seem to value it. We are quick to answer the Catholic priests, “Don’t incorporate works into our faith. We live by faith alone and are free to enjoy the pleasures God offers us.” I wonder how many Protestants would praise one of their own if he/she decided to remain celibate for spiritual purposes. I honestly don’t know. I don’t even know if they should.
Do I sometimes long to be in a relationship? Most definitely. I suppose that as I wait for God’s timing I must carefully prepare myself to be ready when/if the time comes. However, I want to be willing to accept and even embrace my singleness for the time being. If it is true that God meant for some of us to remain single, and if it so happens that God pushes me in that direction, I want to be ready to accept it without bitterness of heart, but with gladness and freedom of spirit.
Hmmm...somehow I didn't even touch the topic that I set out to write about. I'll save it for next time...
Truly,
Dave
Comments:
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there is a lot of pressure on us "single people", the world is made for two's. Its just how it is set up, and so many people feel left out or like they dont fit. i think there is a lot more pressure on single girls though, especially after college, cause single guys are often seen as "adventurous," and girls dont have as much independence as guys a lot of times, there arent very many girls who would volunteraly want to live alone, especially in a new environment. Its tough, i am striving and moving in the right direction to get to the big C (comitment) but i dont know if i am prepared to fully handle true love, its one of those things once you got it your stuck with it, it will be good, but it will also be a challenge. So this is why i have been hating myself lately, because i really want love, and all the goodness that goes with it (i want something inbetween true love and a fling) but dont know if i am ready for it, i just dont want to mess it up, and i know that i am the kind of guy who is an all or nothing type of guy, i am just going to have to be pretty impressed by a girl in order for that to happen, otherwise its just gonna fail, its tough when you know girls like you and would want to date you, but in reality they are pretty and stuff, but you dont feel it, or get excited about being around them, as a cool single guy i frankly get sick of the "oh stop being so picky and (what they really mean is the big S, (settle) its like yea, thats why relationships fall apart in like a month, well there is my rant as a sexually frustrated young man
Baxter
Baxter
# posted by 
: 9:28 PM
: 9:28 PM
I completely agree with the pressures, even as a young college female student myself. I feel like there's pressure to meet "the one" here at college, but at my college it's definitely slim pickings and I don't want to put myself out there just to as you said Baxter settle for what seems would be a good match... I want something more, something amazing that will get me going every time I wake up and keep me awake at night with anticipation of the next day. I feel like too many times since the girl to guy ratio is so overwhelming that girls do settle... not that there aren't great guys here, I just feel like they feel like they have to stay with so and so because they may not have another chance at love... God knows what He's doing and I don't think that we can screw it up to a point where we have to settle for something... He knows our expectations and the desires of our heart and when the "right" one comes along... I don't think there will be a doubt in my mind!
Amanda
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Amanda
# posted by : 11:48 PM
: 11:48 PM<< Home
