Doubt and faith
Jarod,
You have created such an accurate picture of the struggle I am going through as well. Especially the absence of spiritual and intellectual Christian mentors. When I read history books, the Christian faith is depicted as much more about political gain than it is concerned with Truth. Then there are times of doubt. So often the Christian institution seems to offer but a periphery of the supernatural, not the core. I was talking with a friend last weekend, and we began to discuss the issue of doubt. As merely an observation, it seems that some Christians struggle with doubt quite heavily. They still serve God, but they question, sometimes even dangerously, claims of the faith. They know that these questions could cause them to leave the faith (and I know of a few who have), but they feel they must be honest in wrestling with the doubt. Here is the dilemma: doubt is seen as a weakness, and is contrary to faith. A person might interpret the doubt as a threat to spiritual health, when in my own life it serves to strengthen it. If one person is unable to understand how doubt strengthens the faith, then perhaps its better not to discuss it with that believer.
But maybe the doubt is a weakness. It actually affects how I share my faith with others. Instead of joyously proclaiming that Christ has changed my life, I stay very reserved. I like to open conversations about God as a series of questions, questions that I am still searching the answers to. I can remember a pastor actually scolding me for not displaying the joy of the Lord in my conversation with a non-believer. It was strange. I’d rather talk about my faith as though I was just on the verge of it all over again, even though I have experienced so much of the depth of God. Part of me doubts that God is in the business of miraculously changing people’s hearts that have been turned from Him for so long. If someone has naturally chosen a life of wickedness, I almost expect the person to continue on in that lifestyle until death. I don’t trust people who convert in their thirties and are very young Christians. I don’t trust that they will stay with the faith and grow in it. I get very nervous when I think about a young adult believer’s ability to handle the doubts that I still wrestle with as one who has been a Christian for many years. I suppose this e-mail is all over the place, and is more about developing a philosophy of evangelism.
I am finding that the isolated American male syndrome is the starting ground for disaster. There is no accountability in it, no joy of fellowship. Living the post-college, bachelor life, I have wondered what it would be like to live for sexual adventures. An empty pleasure, no doubt. What sort of reckless behavior comes from isolation and idleness? This is the life of many an American male. They have so much extra time, and so much extra cash. Economically successful, morally irresponsible.
If Christianity is true, then my life should be changed. Inwardly and outwardly. And now that I am here in this place I believe in spiritual warfare more than ever. I must be on my knees in prayer, waiting to hear the next command and pledging my loyalty to Christ.
Keepin’ it real,
Dave
